Twelve in Twelve

So very late to posting this one; but I had not anticipated the month of April being so busy for us as a family.

I wasn’t excited for this book as much as I was for others. However. I enjoyed it so much; the entire story was a wonderful surprise. Like any autobiography, we start off in the early years of the author’s life. Cynthia Erivo, who also narrates the book, welcomes us into her early childhood where she relishes int he joy and beauty of growing up in an immigrant family. Originally from Nigeria, her family moves to England where she and her sister are born and raised. While growing up, both girls were immersed in a melting pot of diversity.

Her journey starts there, with every interaction shaping who she ultimately becomes. It’s a pretty obvious, if not classic origin story. But none the less, it gives the reader a glimpse at her humble beginnings. It’s a moment in the book that felt very centering – like a good place to come back to and remind us of who we’re actually reading about. I always love learning about where someone comes from; it truly does add so much more to their story. And it offers such a good explanation for how they became who they are. For Erivo, it’s clear that she credits her immigrant background and upbringing to her grit and determination as an actress, and as a human being. It was wonderful to see her connect the dots from her childhood to adulthood. She is grateful for her past, and she honors it fully in every single thing she does.

What I really noticed about this particular book, is that, the chapters are incredibly short. One chapter was maybe a paragraph or two long. But they’re always poignant. Erivo has this habit at the end of her chapters, to pose the question back to the reader. Sometimes it’s along the lines of “can you remember how something impacted you, and how you honored it?” or “how did you manage to control your rage in a heated situation, and not let it define you?” By doing this, the book almost reads like a mini self0help book. Not only do you as the reader get to learn about how one person grew to love, accept and adore themselves – but you are challenged to do the same with yourself.

Erivo’s overall theme is about learning to be at peace with being ‘too much”. I remember when I was a kid, and I was struggling to fit in with other girls, and be “a part of the crowd”, as it were. I remember wanting so badly to be smaller, in size and personality, so that I could fit into the strict and perfect boxes that were dictated by middle school expectations. My own mother gave me a book about being “too much”. It basically read like a guide book on how not to be a push over and be taken advantage of as a young girl. It wasn’t until now, being much older and much more comfortable with myself, that I realized who I was as a kid wasn’t “too much”….it was just me. And it wasn’t my problem that people couldn’t accept that. Erivo learns the same lessons throughout her life. She stops shrinking herself, she feels her rage but doesn’t let it define her, she doesn’t deny any part of herself and lets the “more” shine through. It’s a lesson that I think is so hard to teach young girls,

While I was reading this book, I was reminded receiving that book from my mom over and over again. It was like a light bulb moment for me; my mother was preparing and teaching me how to remain small; digestible. And when I had my own daughter, I wondered when I would subconsciously begin to do that with her. Would I teach her that with how she cared for her body? Would I pass down to her a need to be accepted by everyone in the room? Would she seek validation from the wrong people? I still suffer from the journey of outside validation from those around me, and how being a people-pleaser was the only way to keep the peace – be the right amount of everything. This wasn’t something I wanted to impart upon my children; least of all my daughter. So while listening to Erivo, I realized that the first step to creating a healthy environment for both my children to grow up in, I have to let them simply be themselves. To let them be authentic and unabashedly themselves. This, the message of being yourself and being all of you, is the complete theme of this book.

Being ‘simply more’ was a lesson that Erivo had to go through for entire life; it was how she found herself, and founded herself. There comes a time in everyone’s life, I think, where we finally realize we are done with ridiculous task of making ourselves smaller and more digestible to others. And, from that moment on, we make a quiet and peaceful promise to be ourselves. If that means we are “more” or “too much”, that is just fine. It’s who we are. If others cannot fathom that, they can simply go find less.

I found this book to be so uplifting and more relatable that I had imagined. Erivo’s narration and literal voice makes you feel like you’re having a heart-to-heart with a friend over coffee. The conversation doesn’t even feel one-sided. I found myself pausing the book and reflecting in my own journals about the questions and thoughts that sprouted in my mind after hearing a chapter. Her experiences made me reflect on my own; how differently I responded to my own adversity, and how much better or much worse the situation could have been had I responded the way she might have. I felt like I was getting free advice from the book, like it was a pocket guide teaching me how to navigate all things big or small. I don’t believe I would categorize this as a para-social relationship with a book. But I do think that what I’ve read has been very impactful and meaningful to how I will continue to navigate life and motherhood.

And now, as we begin the month of May, I am reminded of my commitments and my passions all over again; feeling utterly encouraged to continue on with such a bright pick as this title. Erivo helped give me meaningful insight to self-acceptance and soft critique. It is normal to have self-doubt and feel discouraged with anything in life, big or small. But the pursuit of our own happiness is what makes the time we have worth it. Embracing ourselves for who we are, is worth it. This book made me realize that life is so messy and filled with obstacles. But it is how we choose to handle those obstacles that means something. And wherever we are in our journeys of becoming “simply more”, it is important to breathe, listen and continue on whatever path we are on. Our own personal races may be slow one day, and fast paced the next. They may be simple, or they may be hard. But remaining true to the idea of being our full selves while on the journey is the core of it all. April was such a hard month for me and my family personally. It was hard to find the stillness, and I begged for a path that wasn’t so turbulent. Even finding time to finish this book in time felt impossible; and this was supposed to be something for me – something that was supposed to fill me with peace. Instead, it suddenly felt like just another task.

My whole point of starting this challenge up was to fall in love with reading again, not have it feel like homework. Currently, this post feels like a very late homework assignment, being thrown together days after deadline. And I know the publishing of this post will read just like that. Please, don’t be generous, I know the value of my work when I make it. But this book humbled me in a good way. It challenged inner battles I still wage with myself; and it presented new ones that I will have to face more forcefully further down the path. But, no matter what pops up along the path next, I will take it in stride. The time management aspect of this all will have to be addressed. But once I do find myself back on track, embracing the mess and the illusion of perfection, I swear I’ll have it more together by the next post.

For next month’s pick, we have Crying in H-Mart by Michelle Zauner. Staying true to the theme of my reading, the goal is to read a book a month that corresponds with the celebration of that month. May is Asian American Heritage month. Although I did not read a title fully dedicated to different awareness’ honored in April, it is a goal with the 2026 reading list to be conscious of monthly themes. Hopefully, the titles continue to get more interesting and surprising in the most positive ways moving forward. And, as always, thank you for reading along with me.

Hope to see you next month! Happy reading.